Category Archives: Poetry

Everything here is copywritten under the name Cynthia Ayala.

A Walk Through the Dark


It’s there
Always following
Always chasing
Those mistakes
The ones that haunt my dreams
That chase me down
And make me relive the darkness.

Is there an escape
From the past and the mistakes
That I have made?

Or am I already condemned?

Forever alone
Forever lost

The smiles I feel
Shatter piece by piece
And I try to grasp them back
Try to put them together
Try to force the darkness to stay at bay

But with each peek behind my shoulder
I see them form a being
A being of darkness
Who bleeds from her arms
Who is crying again

Always crying…

So again I try
I grasp at the shards
The happiness is the light
I found it
But I’m always losing it
Always letting it slip through my fingers

My hands are bleeding
Now I’m crying
Now I’m screaming and stumbling
Trying to find a way to escape
Trying to find a way to keep the light in my heart

But she’s grasping for me
With broken nails
And cold hands

It’s her
It’s me
With a scarlet “A” cut into her cheek.

No
No
No

I am not her
I will not let myself be her
Be me.

One step
Two steps
Three steps

There has to be a way
A way to keep the light

But all I see is darkness around me
Darkness and knives
Each with a name
My name
Each with a mistake
Each made with regret.

It feels like I’ve been running for days
With no destination in mind

I just want to crawl out of my skin
Change who I am
But with each look back
I catch my dark reflection
Always following
Always haunting me.

I am not her
I am not that girl anymore
But sometimes
It’s like no one wants me to change
That reality will not let me change
As though I am
And will always be trapped
In the darkness of my mind
Things that made me feel
Less than alive
Things that made me feel
Like I was nothing.

I can’t run anymore
My legs are tired.
How does she do it?
How does she keep up?
My darker half
My mistakes taken form
My dark reflection.

She’s not so bad
She’s just sad
Always sad.

I lay down
She lays beside me
I’m not her
But I’m not the light.

I’m lost…
So scared.

She goes through the list
Every cut
Every mistake that led up to it.

I’ve been good
But it’s as though
No one sees me.

She continues with the list

How many?
I don’t bother to keep count.

All I want is to be seen as more than what I am
To be happy.

It’s all so tough
Why does it have to be so tough?
Why does it have to be so hard?
Happiness shouldn’t be this hard.

I sit up
So does she
Leans her back against mine
Whispers my darkest fears

That no one will love me
That I will be alone always.
That I’m nothing more than a pretty face
To be used and discarded.

But I don’t believe it
I won’t believe it.

The tears want to escape
But I don’t let them.

Shoving her away
I stand up and begin again.
Because I know that if I do

It’s here
The light.
It’s somewhere
And that’s the important part
As long as I hold on
And I will find the light
And finally outrun my past.

Ewok companion comes to Star Wars: The Old Republic


By: Martin Gaston
image

Star Wars: The Old Republic  will be adding an Ewok companion in the 2.3 patch, MMO site Dulfy  (via Rock Paper Shotgun ) reports.

The Ewok companion–called Treek–can be unlocked for the price of one million credits once a character is at Legacy level 40, reports Dulfy. Treek uses heavy armour and Aim is her primary stat. She features both heal and tank stances. Once the 2.3 patch is released on the main Star Wars: The Old Republic servers, players will be able to purchase Treek froma droid merchant in the Cartel Bazaar.

Source: GameSpot

Falling Darkness ©


Falling…

Falling…

Falling down
And then my heart beats
And then it stops
And I’m no longer falling
But floating in darkness

My screams echo through the air
My hair wraps and tangles
Intertwining with my fingers
And I pull
I scream
In the darkness
Of my soul.

Falling for so long
I forgot who I was
I forgot what
Made my heart beat.

There was something once
A light in the sky
When I was alive.

I’m lost
Have lost myself
Have lost something
Something that made my heart beat and ache
Made my skin tingle and burn
Made my lips smile
My eyes water.

Feeling

Something

Anything

Falling

But I’m so tired of falling
I want to stand

Let the sun light wash over me

I stand alone in the darkness
There is a door.
So far way.

One step
Then another

It’s like I’m walking on glass
Sending tingles up my spine

But then it’s like I’m on water
Alive and feeling

Step by step
I see the door get closer and closer
There is something more
Than the realm of darkness
I’m built around me.

The knob is cold to the touch
But the light
That creeps from the edges
Is warm.

There is more

Then there is light

And then

I’m alive…

Longings ©


A kiss
A touch
A love
A life

Holding me
Whispering into my hair
Telling me you love me

Do you?

I can’t grasp it
The tangiability
Of your emotions

I can’t grasp
I want to
Want to hold you tight
Have you hold me
Move your hands up my back
Tell me you love me

Truths

Love

Romance

Lies

Façade

An arced back
A hot room
Your touch on my skin
Your lips on my neck
My hands on your neck

A racing heart
A meaningful look
What do they mean for you?

Sometimes I want to whisper
Sweet nothings to you
But untimately
I just want to have you

Here
Close
Beside me

Hold me
Make me laugh
Warm my sad days
My days of loss
My days of loneliness
My days of intangibility
Where nothing feels real
And only you do

You shine the light
Keep me grounded
When I feel broken
Less human
More like scratches on a page

Things turn to stone
And in my dreams
I’m in your arms
And as the world burns
Freezes
Breaks and crakes
Like the reflections in my space
I feel okay
I feel whole
With your arms around my waist
And hands on my back
Sending tingles up my spine

The world opens up
I’m swallowed whole
And in the darkness
Through the wind and rain
There is a light

I just spread my wings and fly
Letting life engulf me
Not pass me by.

 

A Realm of Being ©


Arms wide open
She flies and spins
Happy

Promises
Touch
Love
Longing

Lies
Betrayal
Trust

She flies and runs
Into the rain
Into the wind

A girl who’s broken
Yet whole

Happy
Sad

A girl in control
A girl who loves
Who cares’
A girl who’s skin tingles
When the rain touches her skin
Who’s world lights up
As the moonlight fills her

Soul
Mind

What she is
Is Wind and Rain
Hope and Despair
Love and Lust

They make her
They keep her safe
Alive
Disconnected from others
Connected to the non-human

But the glass wall around her breaks
People enter
People see her
Her life
Her being
Who she is

Broken and Whole
Light and Dark
Rooted into Earth
Into the Sky and Stars of Night

Whole and Broken
With eyes so wide
Beauty profound
Internal
Hopeful

Cold and Harsh
In Control
Happy and Lost
Lost and Found

Broken
Whole

Half of a mind
Half of a soul
Half of a being

Loved and lost

Arms wide
She drowns herself in wind and rain
In the cold touch
The freedom of existence
Freedom of love
Of life
Of Brokenness and Wholeness

Eyes wide open
She absorbs the world
The good
The bad
The hopeless
The love and touch of being
Of Stars against the sky

Alone and not
The sky envelops her, holds her
Loves her
And Connects her
To the hearts of others.

Torn in Two©


There are two
I can’t let one go
And be with the other
And yet with both
I find myself drawn
But I can’t have both
And I can’t lose both.

Knees buckle
Both stare at me
And I can’t
I can’t figure it out
Figure them out.
Which one is good
And which one is bad.

I don’t know
Which one is
The Big Bad Wolf
And which one is
My Knight in Shining Armor.

I know that one
Claims to truly love me
And I know the other
Truly cares about me
But my heart is
Torn in two.

Left
Right
Front
Back

My feet are stuck
On fork I the road
I cannot move
I lose
I win
I lost
I’m lost
I’m scared.

I love one surely
I care about one deeply
But which one?
Which one
Do I hurt?
Which one
Do I make happy?
I don’t know
I’m lost and scared
And torn in two.

God help me
I love them both.

 

Forgotten and Blown Away©


I scream and shout
But no one hears me

Am I a ghost?
Am I dead?

I feel cold
But I feel warm

My cheeks
They fill with color.
My heart beats
I feel it.

One
Two
Three

On and on
It goes
And yet
No one around me
Seems to see me

I am forgotten
All alone

When did I become
So transparent?
When was I forgotten?

The world goes on
Like I’m not there.

So I’m alone
My skin flaking
As I trudge
Through the snow.

The wind rips of my skin
Tear it off the bone.

My tears freeze on my cheeks
My knees hit the ground
And slowly I crumble
As the sun rises
I’m gone with the wind.

Ashes and ashes
That’s all there was.

Skin Deep©


It cracked and fractured
Inch by inch

At first there was nothing
All was smooth and glossy
But the reflection that greeted her
Was darkening

The eyes turned black
Then red inched in

Looking up
She was starting to forget

Forget who she was
Forget what once was.

Her beauty was stone
Paling in the night.

It was dark beauty
That made her forget
Made her forget
What made her human.

And now the glass was breaking
The crack growing thicker
Every sun rise.

First at the corner
Then seeping along the sides
Then expanding across the surface

Fracturing…

Revealing…

The darkness beneath.

Her body shook
The sun rose
And through the window
It touched the glass
The final moment
To shatter the glass

Leaving behind nothing
But a hollow thing

A hollow thing
Lifeless
But alive
Taunting those
Seducing those
With her dark beauty.

With no substance
She had nothing less
And lured others
To their death.

 

Once Upon a Time©


Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who tried to soar
But you wings were too heavy
And weighed her down
And every time she lifted them
A tear would fall
A hit the ground she was rooted on

Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who tried to skip across a lake
But every time she place her
A top the clear blue water
Her foot would sink
And the mud would cover her

Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who tried to sing
And let her voice be heard
But every time
Her mouth opened
Only a croak and a silent scream
Would escape.

Once upon a time
These girls
Tried to reach their dreams
But fate would not allow
And let them die
In their sleep.

Whispers from Halloween©


Ghost from the past
Whisper in the night
A girl thought dead
Rises in the dark mist
Brought on by night.

She took her life
One Halloween
So long ago
Her eyes were green
Fresh like leaves in spring
And her heels clicked on the ground
As she passed the trick-or-treaters.

Her loves face
Had been the last she had seen
Waving
BYE BYE
Like she had been seen.

Had he seen her
At least once in her life?
Before had she fallen to her death.

Her costume hung in shreds around her body
Had no one bothered to come for her?

Her ears twitched
Her head turned
And there he was
Staring at her
Like he was seeing a ghost.

Maybe he was

The wind ripped around her
Carrying whispers of death
Her screams
His pleas.

BYE BYE

Is that what she had said
Before she jumped off the cliff?

Woe on to her
And her pour soul…

A step brought her back
Laughter rang in her ears
Her body rung hot and cold
It tingled and ached.

A hand cupped her chin
She stared up at him
Oh dear…

A kiss….

A heartbeat…

Her eyes fluttered open
She gasped for air
Looked out her window.

Not Halloween yet
Just a dream of a dream
Of a thought of death
Of a thought of love

Why was it now
During October
That she heard the calling of love?